Loss of half of his wardrobe options.
Only getting 3 minutes to decide on what underwear to buy. Size? Boxers or briefs? And always, always only the ones that come in a three pack.
SNL dress gets sent back 30 Rock.
Can't lose the beard no matter how many times he shaves.
The only help he gets now from friends when he get wets from the rain is - "Dude don't drip on my stuff. "
Having to go undercover (baseball hat and sunglasses) when taking your date to movie musicals.
No more bedhead at breakfast unless with the GF.
No more Bee Gees in public.
Forced to tint windows in car.
Can't get away with peeks anymore without consequences.
Your girlfriend wants to borrow your stuff, end up giving her a hat so she doesn't touch your good stuff.
Funky Jake out LumberJake in.
Trips to WeHo and Silver Lake are now trips to Santa Monica and Brentwood.
And what everyone really wants to know. The winning name of the Wicked and Tom's fauxmance.... drum roll please..... in a landslide .... ...Wicked and Tom will now be referred to as Twicked.
:D and :(
ReplyDeleteNo more interesting birthday presents ...
No more scented candle buying ...
No more vogueing with the girls ...
No being seen with your illegally platinum friend ...
PS I wish Twicked several happy months together :)
No more dancing at the A-House just doing time at a Type A home.
ReplyDeleteRyan's Pissed!
ReplyDeleteDoes this mean he's taking back the fancy schmancy cookware?
Re the OK! article, I don't understand why Jake is allowing himself to be portrayed like this. I can't imagine Jake really would not care that those two kids have a loving father and that he would not respect that relationship. Reese doesn't come across too well either. PR is really doing a disservice here.
ReplyDeleteSpesh 6:34, were you referring to the Atlantic House in P-town?
ReplyDeleteI will always wonder why Jake just
ReplyDeletedid not say on Ellen DeGenere's show, "I have someone." or a simple ,"I am spoken for." I also
wonder why he made The Love That
Dare Not Speaketh comment. I think
he enjoys being a master of words.
I will always think at one time
there was something between J&A.
It is his life though and I wish
him the best. In the event that his next few movies are not great
hits, will it push him farther down from the A-list? I have always thought that Jake is very
handsome and that Austin is absolutely gorgeous! Anyway, best
wishes to Tom and Wicked! I hope
that Tom does not forget a simply
gorgeous ring!
I sometimes think that Jake
and Austin maybe had a breakup after the Borders bookstore photos. I wonder sometimes if they
made up about the time of the Music Festival during the time of
the ring necklace. Sadly, I wonder
if there will ever be another photo of them together. May they
both have the very best in the
future! I just wonder sometimes if
Reese will allow him to see some
of his old friends at times!
How old is Tink? I'll bet she
is in constant motion! Does she
chew up things badly?
Please refresh my memory. Did Ted ever say anything about
Toothy and the boyfriend having
a breakup back in spring 2007? Also, didn't Ted say recently that
Toothy's boyfriend was still with
him? Can anyone answer this? Do
you have any of the Toothy blind
items in archive at OMG? Sorry
for such a long rambling blog! I
am new to this.
Ted has not mentioned a break-up this year, kacie. blogging tip, no more than three points at a time :)
ReplyDeleteWicked, you are right about one
ReplyDeletething in that sometimes Jake is
not portrayed in the best way. Nor
is Reese.I do not think I would
like to have a job in public
relations!
I wish Twicked a very happy life
ReplyDeletetogether. Please let us know if
there is a ring!
Why yes I am E.V
ReplyDeleteSpesh, 7:31, reason for my inquiry is that I was actually conceived on the beach at Herring Cove, back in the days when camping was still allowed before it became protected national seashore. My parents were living/matriculating in Boston, and would be considered somewhat Bohemian in nature by today's standards (both in medical field). Living in AZ now, I DO miss the Cape, and N.E. in general. My parents are both gone now, but I've many fond memories of summers spent there. The A-House, the Boatslip for tea, Spiritus Pizza after-hours...
ReplyDeleteGood morning,
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say - what a great country song! ;)
Also, congratulations to Twicked, wishing you all the best a faux life has to offer, lots of faux love and happiness to you!
This latest gossip is just so bad. I just wonder what the point is. :(
I just read that stupid article. Actually, Reese telling Ryan that there's nothing he can do is not correct (I'm quite sure this is OK fanfic). He can go to his lawyer and file a compliant with the judge.
ReplyDeleteOK!? I'm positive it's fiction.
ReplyDeleteKacie, Jake could not say he was in a relationship on Ellen and not name the person he was in it with. Ted has said that the Grey Goose (his name for TT's BF) is still in the picture. He also talked about J&A doing a "digital dance" (widely interpreted as holding hands) in the West Village in October, right before the public emergence of Jeese.
ReplyDeleteTink will be 5 years old in August. She tears things up unbelievably!
I love, love, love this post! So true, but, yeah, pretty sad at the same time. : [
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the start of your fauxmance, Twicked! Just remember not to exploit Tink if and when you want to create the illusion of "instant, happy family". :)
Great post. Very clever.
ReplyDeleteWicked and Tom, i hope you two have some fun with your fauxmance. Unlike... ?
I love this post! Poor Jake, straight life is no walk in the park after all. My favourite part: from flirty wipedowns to "Dude don't drip on my stuff."
ReplyDeleteOK!? I'm positive it's fiction.
ReplyDeleteITA, Who'sthat. I'm just wondering who the author of this fiction is- OK! or PR.
I'm sure there was a phone conversation between Reese and Ryan, several in fact, all contentious and loud. But, the topic was not how much time Jake spends with the kids, but how much time Jake spends with the kids IN FRONT of the flynet's camera.
ReplyDelete"You want to keep this bullshit going, Reese, fine. But, stop using MY children as bait!"
Will somebody PLEASE think of the children!!!
ReplyDeleteNo but seriously, whoever is leaking these stories (and my money's on the short smug looking blonde in the Red Sox cap) really does need to think of the children cos divorce is hard enough for them without all this public sniping;and it's not doing Jake's image any favors either. I just hope he doesn't end up having kids of his own with her or a few years down the line it'll be him in Ryan's shoes.
This OK! story makes everybody look bad. I really hope it was written by OK! and not PR. If it was PR, they need to be fired STAT!!!
ReplyDelete^^It really does - how did our beloved become involved as a supporting actor in this drama between Ryan and Reese? Exit, stage left, Jake!
ReplyDeleteOnly getting 3 minutes to decide on what underwear to buy. Size? Boxers or briefs? And always, always only the ones that come in a three pack.
ReplyDeleteThey also come in economy size five-a-packs you know. And no more thongs, that's for sure! Although I really wonder if Jake has ever worn those... but the image is quite compelling don't you think? :D
Frenchy, I guess we're lucky Jake made Jarhead before Reeke, otherwise we'd have seen him in plaid longjohns.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing given up; no more backgammon games in your bf's trailer.
Totally agree with ME, and it is possible that the OK article is a preemptive strike on that front. Too bad Ryan doesn't come out and say what we all know; he's probably too much of gentleman and constrained by the HW system.
No more Lakers games? :(
ReplyDeleteI don't think giving up sports will be on the list.
ReplyDeleteJust less grins.
thanks for another great post, although I find it really sad because it just highlights all that's sort of wrong with Jakey at the moment (in my obviously uncalled for opinion). the OK thing then just goes on to highlight this, what happened to this hot and sexy actor to turn him into a bit part in someone's nasty marriage breakup, looking a shadow of his former self. Just very sad, he should sue whoever talked him into this farce.
ReplyDeleteManagement 180!!! Or maybe he should sue Miss Type Asphyxiation?
ReplyDeleteListen Jake give me a call. I need some quick advice. I wanted to ask you why you look so miserable and boring. If this showmance is gonna do to me what it has done to you I really need to think about this.
ReplyDeleteAlso I need to speak to Ev. Oh I forgot she is here. Listen Ev I need some advice before I sign this contract. Do you think this is gonna cost me a million? They are talking jewerly here.
Mom oh I mean Wicked is such a sweet girl. I think I have found the perfect mother for Maggie. I have spent my life looking for the perfect woman for my children. That is what every man's job is.
Austin if you are still around I need you to give me a call too. I wanna know if I have to give up men if I get engaged. Is there anyway those kind of things can be worked out?
So many decisions to be made. Well a beard might be nice. I've never been able to grow a good one.
I've never been able to grow a good one.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Reese could help you with that. I hear she grows a mean beard!
Wicked, I think sometime it is just crap made up by the rag. That plain and simple. No PR firm would write up stories to make their client look bad. I think you assuming every single story appearing on every singlw stupid rag is a PR plant is close to absurd.
ReplyDeleteWicked said...
ReplyDeleteI've never been able to grow a good one.
Maybe Reese could help you with that. I hear she grows a mean beard!
Wicked on our first date can we go see the Pet Shop Boys?
And "sometimes" OK Magazine does the bidding of publicists and by sometimes I actually mean all the time. They are notorious for doing deals like this and the fact of the matter is that PR DOESN'T think this story makes Jake look bad.
ReplyDeleteJake 2.0 is a FAMILY MAN. He recycles, buys flowers and thoughtfully brings Reese coffee!
The "minivan majority" sigh in jelous rapture. "Why can't my man be more like Jake? Reese is so lucky. It serves her no good cheatin husband right that she finally found a man to treat her right". The End.
Page Six.com : Sir Ian McKellan remembers Brad Renfro
ReplyDeleteNew from Ted:
ReplyDeleteBedtime for Bongos?
So, looks like M’s been nude 'n’ bangin’ on something other than his bongo set. 'Course, Matty and his girlfriend, Camila Alves, are expecting their first child together, which is absolutely mind-blowing to us, especially since when has M2 been spending terribly much quality time with someone other than Lance Armstrong or Jake Gyllenhaal? I’m surprised neither of those two are expecting, after all those shirtless bike rides and panting parades in the sunset.
Maybe Jakey’s been teaching our sexy surfer stud about the joys of domesticity...He himself has been spending an awful lotta time getting all cozy and family oriented—and we don't mean Reese, trust. Anyway, congrats to the blond bro and his bella, although...'Member that scene in 40-Year-Old Virgin when Steve Carell’s loveable loser tries to cover up his past prudeness by describing second base as feeling up a “bag of sand”?
Ted says that Jake has been busy domesticating (read: with Grey Goose aka Austin) only not with Reese.
ReplyDeleteAnd the trolls/PR will be here in five...four...three...two...
"Maybe Jakey’s been teaching our sexy surfer stud about the joys of domesticity...He himself has been spending an awful lotta time getting all cozy and family oriented—and we don't mean Reese, trust."
ReplyDeleteOoohh, Ted is fabulous today. Maybe Jake is rediscovering his biological family or virtual family (Chris). Or maybe Jake is just .... family. ;)
Absolutely fabulous. It's about bloody time. Now, where's my cocktail.
Then again, maybe he just has a lot of free time on his hands since Brothers is coming to a close, and nothing else has been firmed up.
Oh well, a family that commiserates together stays together.
Ragisrag, if you read my post at 8:51 am you would see that I questioned whether OK! or PR wrote the post.
ReplyDeleteTed is just not letting up.
Wicked I miss you soooooo much. I need my phone. Hopefully tomorrow. We have so many things to plan. Maggie told me she does think you be the perfect Mom.
ReplyDeleteOh I forgot to tell you I think I got a second date this weekend.
Oh please, don't tell me that the Chris vs. Austin battle, that long dormant battle since Reeke began, has been revived with Ted's latest morsel! LMAO.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's better than Reeke.
It must be anyone BUT Austin. Why, one can't even hint that they were even friends anymore without a swarm attacking. For some reason, Austin is the one person that threatens JiSers perfect world. Austin is the thorn in their side.
ReplyDeleteAnd it seems that Austin is still GG and with Jake.
But last I saw, Chris is not female. At least I don't think he is. Surely the JiSers wouldn't want their beloved Jake with anyone of the male persuasion, let alone Chris.
ReplyDeleteOh I forgot to tell you I think I got a second date this weekend.
ReplyDeleteCheating on me and publicly bragging about it! The nerve of this guy!
P.S. You HAVE to get that phone fixed!
Chris is straight, so he's safe.
ReplyDeleteJake has never looked at Chris like he has Austin, so he's safe.
They fear Austin 'cause they know, they know what he means to Jake, and his place in Jake's life.
That's the best news from Ted! Good for them. :)
ReplyDeleteI just got a chance to watch October Sky - I'm just speechless, it was so good. Even my hubby watched it again, thinks it's a great movie. Jake is a born actor, you can see, even then, how much talent he had, how much of himself he put into the role. His accent was great. Again, his movies are the kind that you can see over and over again and never tire of. Trust me, if my husband will watch something again, it's rare. I loved it. Laura Dern, Chris Cooper, and all of the boys, especially Homer tho, were great. Loved the score and 50's soundtrack too. A really great film.
That settles it. Ted is in my will (such as it is).
ReplyDeleteJake and Austin domesticating! I love it!
Thank you, Ted! Give 'em hell!
I posted on WFT on the same topic, re Ted's new comment. Austin in JFC -a sexy surfer. Could not be a coincidence, not with Ted. Come on Austin, rope that man in! I think Reeke is just about over.
ReplyDeleteRandom thoughts at the end of this beautiful day:
ReplyDeleteOh please, don't tell me that the Chris vs. Austin battle, that long dormant battle since Reeke began, has been revived with Ted's latest morsel!
Seriously, even if I had good reasons to believe Chris could be the BF I'd feel very uncomfortable posting about a civilian.
It's quite heart-warming to learn that our boys are still hanging on strong. And regarding that OK trash, I think I'd rather not hear Jake setting the record straight when shitty stuff like that surfaces, whether it's planted by RW's team or fabricated by the tabs. The way things are developing, I prefer to see him adopt the most non-comittal stance possible and I think it's the best attitude given the fact he's still with GG.
Nice to hear that you enjoyed October Sky Netb. Have you seen Highway and Lovely & Amazing? These are the only two Jake movies I've yet to see.
They've been officially christened only yesterday but Twicked are already fighting like cat and dog. I can't wait for the pics!
I've read that McBongo wrote "God bless evolution" in his message about his "GF"'s pregnancy. What a nice way to be thankful for the invention of the turkey baster! ;)
Goodnight!
They've been officially christened only yesterday but Twicked are already fighting like cat and dog. I can't wait for the pics!
ReplyDeleteFrency, such is the way of the fauxmance. . . *sigh*
or in other words, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the direction these things are sure to go in. ;)
I'm thrilled about today's news about TT and his GG! I had a Grey Goose Mimosa Martini recently in honor of our couple. I agree, also Frenchy, that Jake's stance is the best one to take, under the circumstances.
I haven't seen Highway or Lovely and Amazing yet, and I can't wait to see them. I think those are the only ones I haven't seen as well. I discovered Jake's talent with BBM, and I enjoy very much seeing his earlier films. I was very, very impressed with October Sky, it's as good as any of his work I've seen. He really becomes Homer.
Nite, OMG! :*
If I ever saw Ted on the street I'd have to run up to him and give him a big smack on the cheek.
ReplyDeleteFabulous Ted update. Oh, it warms my heart so. De-rail this Reeke train, Jake. Do it for your man. And yourself.
ReplyDeleteDestiny, if you mean a big smacker, not a slap, I would too :):)
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear TT and his GG
ReplyDeleteare still together! I finally got
a copy of "Zodiac" and it's great!
The only two movies that I have not seen was "The Day After Tomorrow" and "October Sky". Which
one would you recommend the most?
I know that Jake likes to cook- I
wonder if Austin likes to cook too? Also, I often wonder if Jake
and Austin are good dancers? Does
anyone know DEFINITELY when J@A met-was it on the set of TDAT? I
have read once that they met in
college which I do not believe!
kacie, October Sky is probably the better movie but TDAT has Austin in it :) They didn't meet in college and have no places of education in common at all.
ReplyDeleteWe have no idea if they can dance or if A can cook :D
It doesn't matter if OK made up the story.
ReplyDeleteSome mag made up a story about Reese being pregnant and she sued because it affected her career.
By keeping quiet about the father of her children being derided (when it comes to parenting stuff) in the press, she is saying that her career is more important than her kids.
Reese set a precedent and I'm going to keep harping on about it.
Didn't one of his "Glory Road" costars say in an interview that Austin can't even make a milk-shake?
ReplyDeleteSo I'm assuming he's not necessarily the best cook.
Not that that stoppped him from cooking with Jake on the set of TDAT so often that it seems to be one of the most memorable things about the shoot ;)
But then again, who would be able to resist it if Jake was teasing you by sticking out his tongue at you all day long?
Am I the only one who thinks about Baby Tile when I read the latest Ted?
ReplyDelete‘joys of domesticity’...‘family oriented’...I am convinced now that “in the frying pan” meant that they had the baby.
Wicked said...
ReplyDeleteP.S. You HAVE to get that phone fixed!
Yes dear. I will work on that today and yes you will be the first I will txt.
Okay wait a minute, don't you all think you're jumpiong to conclusions here? not to spoil anyones hopes but when Ted says "Maybe Jakey’s been teaching our sexy surfer stud about the joys of domesticity..." he's referring to Matt McBongo as the sexy surfer dude, not Austin.
ReplyDeleteAnd when Ted says "He himself has been spending an awful lotta time getting all cozy and family oriented—and we don't mean Reese, trust." it doesn't necessarily mean Austin either. could be someone else (Bf or Gf), his sister/husband/baby, his parents/extended family, friends, a lot of things.
not to put a damper on everyone but I think you have to put it into perspective and not automatically assume its what you hope for.
Well, Ted has pretty much confirmed that Jake is Toothy and that Austin is the boyfriend, so why would it be someone else than him?
ReplyDeleteAnd when I read that someone is getting all cozy and family-oriented, I think of them starting their own little family not catching up with the family they already had for 27 years now.
And Ted mentioned it all in the context of Matt announcing that he's going to be a dad.
or in other words, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the direction these things are sure to go in. ;)
ReplyDeleteI hope you're not casting aspersions on my fauxmance!
I love Ted but I still can't believe Baby Tile.