Out Spotlight LXXXIX

Today's Outspotlight is Sharon Kowalski and Karen Thompson.

This couple never considered themselves to be part of an extended lesbian community. It was from a tragic accident they found themselves not only a part of the lesbian community, but a voice for importance of durable power of attorney forms for homosexual couples and a part of the gay rights movement.

First meeting in 1976 at St. Cloud State University in Minnesota when Sharon Kowalski enrolled in two physical education classes that Karen Thompson taught there. A year later, they worked together coaching track. Neither woman had previously identified as a lesbian, and their romantic involvement developed slowly over time.

By 1983, they had been together for four years and had commitment ceremony, with no one even their family knowing of their relationship. That was until a devastating automobile accident changed their lives forever and brought them out of the closet.

On November 3, of that year a drunk driver hit the car in which Kowalski was driving with her niece. Her niece was killed, and Sharon was left first comatose, then severely disabled from a head injury. She was left with the intellectual capability of a 4-6 yr old, later testing would show.

Both Thompson and Sharon Kowalski's father, Donald, petitioned to be named Sharon Kowalski's legal guardian in March 1984. With the understanding that she would have visitation rights, Thompson agreed that Donald Kowalski would be named Sharon Kowalski's guardian. At the time Thompson went to court, she and Kowalski had been 'roommates' to anyone who had an inquiring mind. When her father, Don Kowalski, was exposed to the truth of their relationship, he broke the agreement he made with Thompson to grant her full visitation rights to see his daughter.

Thompson had never used the word 'gay' the entire time she lived with Kowalski, and now she had no choice but to do so if she were to obtain visitation rights.

The court's guardianship order, however, gave Donald complete control over visitation. That July, Donald Kowalski, Sharon's father, acquired legal guardianship of his 27-year- old daughter without even a court hearing, then moved her to a nursing home almost 200 miles from her home with Thompson. He then left orders forbidding Thompson to see her lover, even though she had been working successfully to help Sharon regain some of her lost abilities.

Though Kowalski continually typed out messages (the only way she could communicate after the accident) saying she wished to live with Thompson, her parents and the court considered her incompetent to decide her own future. In May 1988, a federal judge asked specialists to conduct a study of Sharon to determine whether she had sufficient mental capacity to accurately express her wishes in regard to visitation. The court found that she was capable of understanding and communicating her wishes. All those messages she had been typing out about going home with Karen were here real wishes all those years in the care facility was what she had wanted.

Pushed out of the closet and into the public eye, Thompson found that it was support from the lesbian, gay, and disabled communities that helped the couple to win their battle to reunite. Determined that her lover would not be left alone and poorly cared for in an institution, Thompson began the lengthy battle to bring Sharon home. The case cost over $300,000 in legal fees, which she raised by speaking around the country at gay pride rallies and other events, not only to tell her own story, raised awareness about the need for legal protection for gay and lesbian relationships.

In February, 1989, Karen Thompson was finally able to visit her lover for two weekends every month. She continued to fight for guardianship of Sharon, even though the courts tried to award guardianship to a supposed "neutral third party" with close ties to Sharon's parents. A case that began on July 25, 1985, handed down its final decision Dec. 17, 1991 with Kowalski and Thompson finally won their case when the court allowed Karen to bring Sharon home.

Not only the GLBT community, but disabled rights advocates as well, rose up in support of Thompson and Kowalski, rallying to slogans like "Free Sharon Kowalski" and "Bring Sharon Home." Along with offering moral support and financial contributions, many also took Thompson's advice to draw up durable powers of attorney for health care and living wills, to protect them should the time come when they were unable to speak for themselves.

Karen Thompson and Sharon Kowalski, never thought of themselves as part of the lesbian community, but became pioneers for the GLBT community. They brought into sharp focus an issue that many able-bodied gay men and lesbians had never considered before the importance of giving legal status to their chosen families. Sharon Kowalski and Karen Thompson's persistence in pursuing their case forced both the courts and American society in general to consider an alternative definition of family.

The gay community taught Thompson how to cope with her identity, while Kowalski taught Thompson about living with a disability, Thompson said. But together, they give back by being advocates within the community that supported them.

They story and struggle helped the courts addresses and reassess what is a family. And this family has grown with the addition of Patty Bresser, Kowalski's current girlfriend. It was because of Patty that Karen could find comfort during her forced period of separation from Sharon. "I didn't think I was going to survive. ... There were times that I cried myself to sleep one time too many and just didn't care if I ever woke up," Thompson said.

A film, Lifetime Commitment: A Portrait of Karen Thompson, a play, and several books have been written about the case and its place in the overall gay rights movement. .

Thanks to Wicked for this Out Spotlight suggestion, if you have any suggestions for the Out Spotlight, please let us know.


The Sharon Kowlaski Case

Why can't Sharon Kowalski Come Home?