Out Spotlight CVXXIII

Today's Out Spotlight is Roy Simmons, one of three former NFL players to publicly disclose his homosexuality.

Before coming out, Simmons, was "so deep in the closet he was behind it," said Armen Keteyian a correspondent on HBO's "Inside the NFL."

Simmons' football career ended 20 years ago, but his experience as an NFL player living a life of "lies" and "deception," as he puts it, would likely be the same if he were playing today. Out of the hundreds of gay or bisexual men estimated to have ever been on an NFL team, not a single one was openly gay before leaving the game.

Born Roy Franklin Simmons, November 8, 1956 in Savannah, Georgia, Simmons was offensive lineman for the New York Giants and then with the Washington Redskins from 1979-84, and played for the Redskins in Super Bowl XVIII in 1984.

In 1992, he came out of the closet as gay on the Phil Donahue Show. He then promptly disappeared. No more stories would appear about Simmons for the next 12 years.

Growing up he played a number of positions - offensive tackle, defensive tackle, offensive guard, nose guard and was recruited by a number of colleges, but wanted to stay in state close to home, choosing Georgia Tech. Simmons did well in school, both academically and athletically, and thought he'd be drafted in the NFL's first round. Even the scouting reports thought so but he didn't go until the eighth round to the Giants. Which he revealed was a devastating and humbling experience.

He went on to a successful career as as a lineman, all the while sshamed and isolated while struggling about being attracted to men and the central role of being rape by a neighbor when he was eleven. “As an adult, he tortured himself wondering--often while drunk or high on drugs--if he would have been straight if he had not been assaulted,” “He blamed himself and suffered from a diminished sense of self-worth and confusion over his sexual identity. ‘I think all my life it affected me,’ he said. ‘The acting out--the sex with the boys, the girls — the drinking.’ He used marijuana, cocaine to escape.

After his career ended he found himself still using, still struggling and sometimes homeless. He ended up hitting rock bottom but a friend was there to help pick him up and turn his life around.

Old friend from his days as a New York Giant brought him to Martha's Vineyard to take charge of his life, his addiction and his health. He told Simmons "I made a promise to help you, and now you must make a promise to help others. This is my way."

In 2003 Simmons reemerged breaking his silence in an interview in the New York Times (not in the Sports section but the Style section) sharing a compelling tale of a star athlete who hit rock bottom and was trying to get back up.

The article wove the difficulty of being black and gay--the “Down Low” concept where black men live a deeply closeted gay or bisexual life. And delving into the familiar territory of how hard it is to be a gay professional athlete. "The N.F.L. has a reputation," Simmons said, "and it's not even a verbal thing--it's just known. You are gladiators; you are male; you kick butt." Noting that he had significant relationships with women and daughter with his high school sweetheart, Simmons was asked if he saw himself as bisexual or gay? His response was I'm gay [laughs]. I'm a gay black man in America.

Also as a part of breaking his silence, Simmons revealed on World AIDS Day 2003 that he had been diagnosed with AIDS in 1997.

He was scheduled to go to Israel on a spiritual retreat for a couple of weeks, and went to the doctor before he left. "I had been sick with all this stuff I don't get - earache, sore throat. He asked me when was the last time I was tested, and I said three or four years ago." He found out that then he was HIV positive.

"I was nervous. No one is totally sure. Especially when it comes to intercourse. Some people have blackouts that they can't remember [what they did]. Being told that I was positive, there's a shade of darkness that comes over you - fear, knowing that you're going to die. At that point, I had been clean for five years. I was a substance abuse counselor in East Hampton, New York. It was just shocking. Having to make that call to your mother - that was awful." Simmons also had to tell his daughter from a previous relationship, telling her - it wasn't easy. "A lot of crying, despair. Overall though, I am her Dad. And there is forgiveness."

In the Times article, reporter Maureen Orth explained why Simmons had decided to become more visible: “Mr. Simmons said he wants to reach athletes who may still be in the closet and as tortured as he was. … He said he hopes that by telling his story, he will help prevent other men in his situation, especially blacks, from putting male or female partners in harm's way."

In an other interview with the Washington Blade, and asked why he thought there were no "out" professional athletes on any team sports he said "If you're a player making X millions of dollars, are you going to come out of the closet knowing that it's going to affect your salary, and basically your life? Why would anyone take such a risk without having anything as a backup? Asked if it'd be different than if it were a superstar, who might have other options? He said "it'd be harder for a superstar, with endorsements, being known around the world. It adds up to money."

An interesting aside comes from Butch Woolfolk, a former teammate of Simmons: "I played with four gay guys. Roy is the only one I didn't know about."

"There remains little freedom for men like Roy Simmons in leagues like the NFL," Armand Keteyian said in his comments on his profile of Simmons for HBO.

Simmons, joins David Kopay and Esera Tuaolo as the only NFL players who have publicly declared they are gay. Tuaolo and Simmons, took very different paths toward self-acceptance, but both have said that coming out is the best thing they did.

In his autobiography, Out of Bounds (written with Damon DiMarco), is searing and brutally honest about his struggle with his sexuality, 20 years of drug addiction, prostitution, homelessness and depression and his recovery.

Simmon' s message is simple: "Respect yourself. Get tested. And be honest."