[The following post was contributed by Wicked's Missus]
Gentle Readers:
As the spouse of someone obsessed with the "Toothy Tile" phenomenon, I have felt compelled to issue this post in order to reach out to fellow sufferers, letting them know that they are not alone.
Is your loved one a "Tooth-a-holic"? Here are some hypothetical questions to consider (a "yes" to any one of these is considered a "red flag"):
- Has your loved one sent hundreds of text messages to a mysterious person named "Wicked," resulting in bankruptcy-inducing wireless bills?
- Has your loved one missed her/his own childrens' birthdays because s/he was glued to the computer for days, awaiting the birth of an entity called "Baby Tile"?
- Does your loved one embarass you at dinner parties by exclaiming things like "Jeese is bullshit!" out of nowhere?
- Does your loved one spontaneously weep at the sight of certain celebrities' pictures, babbling "It's not fair! It's not fair!"
If so, do not despair. You are not alone. You are one of many people suffering as a result of their loved ones' Toothy obsession, and there is a solution.
We "Tooth-Anons" are the family and friends of these unfortunate people. We do not blame them any more than we would blame your average flaming schizophrenic for his or her condition. They simply suffer from an uncontrollable illness, for which only they can get help. But there is help. Below are some tips for living a sane and even happy life in the midst of the insanity that your loved one's behavior causes.
Tip #1: Just think "It could always be worse ... " After all, your loved one could be on the streets shooting eyeball-heroin, spending your childrens' college funds on Internet gambling, or joining a UFO cult.
Tip #2: We try to keep the focus on ourselves. So cultivate your own annoying, anti-social obsession! The following are some helpful suggestions:
- X-treeeme Naked Stamp-Collecting!
- Yodeling in tongues!
- Roller-stalking!
- Unicycle moto-cross!
- Get knocked up! (Note: For women only)
Tip #3: To keep out of the trap of self-pity, we reach out to other suffering Tooth-Anons, providing each other with fellowship, healing, and the occasional tranquilizer.
If you, too, are a fellow sufferer, please let us know. Help is only a post away.
