Thursday, December 9, 2010

Return of the Great Unicorn Hunter

(Fine gotta do this again, well I'm going have some fun.)

So Taylor, do you like unicorns?
I love unicorns they are so magical and beautiful and shimmery.
When I was younger I wrote a song about unicorns.
(Offff..... course.)

You never know where they'll show up. Even here in Brooklyn.
(No pointing, remember. DO NOT POINT)
Where like over there?

Oh Jake, can you imagine if we see one, it would be so perfect
and magical like out of a fairytale and I could write a song about it.

(Her too?Is there some unicorn question in the vetting process?)

You know when I put them on posters I make their horns glittery!
(Hee hee I've made a Long horn glitter!)

Well we could make a wish and maybe it will happen.

[singining]A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep.
Shhhhh..... no more singing. Let's just stand here quietly and make our thinking do the wishing.



(OMG!!!! It's unbelievable Unicorns Strawberry Shortcake and Ice Cream. Michael K you are....... maggggggggical!)

40 comments:

ouch! said...

Link

It's time for us to talk about Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift, the latest Jake-plus-famous-blonde coupling to hit the celebrity weeklies. We've seen pictures of them walking arm-in-arm with cups of coffee, read about their cup o' joe dates in Nashville, and even had to hear about how they sipped maple lattes in our own backyard. Why so much coffee, you ask? Because Taylor isn't old enough to legally drink alcohol. She'll turn 21 in a week. The very next week, Gyllenhaal will turn 30. If Jake was a real-life friend of yours, you'd probably give him a high five once you heard about his new gal. Then you'd say, "But what the hell do you two talk about?" Because, come on: A 20-year-old? Why, when it comes to celebrities, do we not raise eyebrows at couplings between adults and those under the drinking age — or teenagers, for that matter? Is it because many of them didn't go to college, so the transition from childhood to adulthood is confusingly blurred? Or is it that, as we've long suspected, celebrities have nothing to say, so things like "shared cultural references" don't matter? Jake and Taylor are cultural references, we suppose. What more do they need? Please click through to see the other adult-teenage couplings that have irked us for the past decade or so.

OwlGirl said...

I sincerely hope they don't make us wait until after the release of this New Years Eve movie in late 2011 to end this showmance.

ted said...

Shocker! Jaylor Might Be the Next Robsten

We've bitched tons how we've been on caffeine overload just from reading about Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal's gazillion coffee dates. And now friends of the couple known as Jaylor are coming forward and telling us to, uh, reconsider.

Here's what's being said:

"She's not 21 yet, what else are they supposed to do?" sasses a source close to Jake.

Adds another insider when we pressed what we can expect from the couple after Swift's birthday next week:

"Well, what Taylor's really looking forward to about turning 21 is being able to go to clubs and see bands she's never been able to see before."

Jake will be in attendance as well, natch.

"She's really looking forward to that," assures Deep Jaylor. "She hasn't liked that she hasn't been able to do that before."

Somehow we think her version of clubbing may be different than that of, oh say, Miley Cyrus.

Doesn't this slightly sound like another couple we know? Robsten, perhaps?

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson frequent the music scene together, especially in L.A. It's pretty much a perfect date night around Hollywood parts.

Guess their choice in bands are more 18-and-over appropriate, since K.Stew isn't 21 yet, either, and she still goes to certain venues.

Then again, we highly doubt Stewart and Swift have the same taste in tunes.

Still, the fact that Jaylor is a couple with a dating plan makes us a bit less cynical.

Oh yeah, the kicker from Deep Jaylor:

"And what's the big deal if they just really like coffee?"

Uh, we're done on that subject. We'll leave it to the rest of you jaded types to weigh in here.

ouch! said...

NYMag

It's time for us to talk about Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift, the latest Jake-plus-famous-blonde coupling to hit the celebrity weeklies. We've seen pictures of them walking arm-in-arm with cups of coffee, read about their cup o' joe dates in Nashville, and even had to hear about how they sipped maple lattes in our own backyard. Why so much coffee, you ask? Because Taylor isn't old enough to legally drink alcohol. She'll turn 21 in a week. The very next week, Gyllenhaal will turn 30. If Jake was a real-life friend of yours, you'd probably give him a high five once you heard about his new gal. Then you'd say, "But what the hell do you two talk about?" Because, come on: A 20-year-old? Why, when it comes to celebrities, do we not raise eyebrows at couplings between adults and those under the drinking age — or teenagers, for that matter? Is it because many of them didn't go to college, so the transition from childhood to adulthood is confusingly blurred? Or is it that, as we've long suspected, celebrities have nothing to say, so things like "shared cultural references" don't matter? Jake and Taylor are cultural references, we suppose. What more do they need? Please click through to see the other adult-teenage couplings that have irked us for the past decade or so.

Jersey Tom said...

Those pictures make me wanna puke. Jake is digusting and hopefully someday he will wake up and look in the mirror and realize what a fool he is. Hard to watch.

sentence structure 101 said...

So Taylor, have do like unicorns.

Really Special? You just don't even care at this point do you? LOL

Special K said...

Oh grammar police - go back and look I caught it and fixed it before you posted.

LA said...

BREAKING

Just moments ago, Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift were cruising around Beverly Hills when they decided the heat from the paparazzi was getting a little too hot so Jake put in a call to the police. And not only did the LAPD send out ground support but they also dispatched a HELICOPTER to watch over the two superstars in their Audi Q7.

Our photographer on the scene tells us Jake was TOTALLY overreacting:

“I don’t know why Jake was in such a bad mood. We saw him and Taylor in the car and when we tried to see where they would park to get out, Jake went crazy. It’s like he didn’t want anyone to get a shot of him and Taylor together. I mean if he’s going to do set-up shots with the paps like he did last week, what’s the difference?!”

We’ve put in the call to the Beverly Hills Police Department, the BH Sheriff’s Department and the main headquarters of the LAPD and so far no response from anyone as to why they felt it was necessary to send a helicopter to “protect” a celebrity from photographers. (Not such a great use of taxpayer’s money, I’d say!)

Jake’s not the only star to invite lenses into his life when he’s going to get a magazine cover out of it and then push them away when it doesn’t fit his mood

X17

Jersey Tom said...

Wow now Jake is getting dramatic. What an attention seeking hoar. Calling the police. I agree what a waste of taxpayers money. Does anyone think this wouldn't get more press? Very private couple. Puke!

I am really disgusted said...

This is a Jake Gyllenhaal I truly don't recognize anymore. They should haul his butt into jail for using the 911 emergency response line for such a ridiculous, frivolous reason. What if there was someone having a stroke, but the cops were too busy baby sitting the famewhore and closeted Toothy. My son almost died because of a late response to my husband's 911 call. Later I found out, that several false calls had come in and responders had been dispatched to calls where no emergency was taking place. Yes, I live in Los Angeles. Incredible.

LAPD response to 911 call said...

Posted by LAPD at X17 Online:

Mr Gyllenhaal is suspected of kidnapping, child endangerment, and failing to have the subject properly secured in a babyseat facing the rear of the vehicle.

Special K said...

Just one thing to think about. How did Jake make the call? He didn't have his phone out in the video. And it is illegal to use hand held phone while driving, and he has no headset. But Taylor has the phone in her hand. So it might have been Taylor making the call.

it's always the womans fault! said...

You are such a fangirl SK!!! The icky girl called the cops!
X17 said that Jake called not Taylor, just because you didn't see the phone in the video doesn't mean he didn't use hos phone ot used hers.

Nobody in LA cares about the no hand held phone in a car, including that tool Jake.

kyr said...

Oh gee maybe they had the phone on speaker??? Which is not illegal in CA. :-)

twitter said...

Things I don't believe in: Bigfoot, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Loch Ness Monster, Yeti, Tooth Fairy, and a straight Jake Gyllenhaal
pulamike

the real m said...

I'm so disappointed in Jake. He looks more like an idiot every day. I read the comments at that NY mag site. The worst one was "Jake at 30 is the same as Jake at 20",the commenter's explanation for why Jake is interested in such a juvenile woman. All I can say is that he made his bed with Reeke and he is rebuilding it now. Even that photo reminds me of Reeke. It will take him a long time to recover from this. Say goodbye to box office for Source Code.

Whats with Ted trying to push the fauxmance. He must be being pressured into it. I lost patience reading those comments as too many were about Pattinson.

prairiegirl said...

I tell you what. For right now, I wipe my hands clean of both of these guys. There is no way I'm proud to follow either one. It's embarrassing.

After reading that ridiculous helicopter story, I'm going to tell you a story, one that made me get on tonight to tell it.

prairiegirl said...

This is what makes this Jake/Slick story truly tasteless after what happened at my job today.

I walked in first thing this morning to find out that there had been an awful head on collision yesterday after work at/on a highway in my old hometown. It killed the 63 yr old driver of a pick up truck and from the other vehicle, a 13 year old girl, who died at the scene. Critically injured & life-flighted to a hospital was her 10 yr old sister. Also injured, their 7 year old brother and the mother. This happened shortly after 5 yesterday afternoon. This highway is extremely busy at this hour.

My hometown has lost 3 young people due to vehicular accidents this year alone, one of them a very small boy who was walking from his school across the street to his dad's office after classes. He was struck & killed by a staff member of the school.

But regarding this terrible accident that happened yesterday. It turns out that this family is the family of our UPS man at work. He's a nice looking young guy with the rosiest cheeks and I felt awful today because I scolded him several weeks ago about dropping a bunch of packages right inside the warehouse door, which is a safety issue.

prairiegirl said...

You could not have shocked more people back in our department because we've all seen our UPS man at one time or another. Even us office staff are constantly up & down the stairs all day long and you run into Mr. UPS or FedEx several times a day and I've seen this UPS man for several years now. I couldn't believe he was even old enough to have a 13 year old.

Our warehouse leadman was just sick about it because he signs for the packages and sees the guy every day, not to mention he has his own teenage daughter. The warehouse loaders know him. Our daytime whse supervisor knew him.

There are no words to describe the depth of sorrow & just plain desolation you felt hearing this story and knowing that you knew who this man was who had lost a daughter, had one critically injured and his wife & son also in the hospital. And all of this only a couple of weeks before Christmas.

Like my super said this afternoon, "Who do you even go spend time with in the hospital? Which one?" Because the 10 yr old is probably at Children's Mercy, a different hospital.

Do we see how things can change in the blink of an eye?

Our highways are lethal. There I am flying down the highway this morning running late for work and why?? Because I'm blogging. Just had to get that last stupid word in.

I'm so stinkin' stupid! What in the heck am I doing?

prairiegirl said...

And what was I wasting time typing about?

2 guys who are living and talking lies. One who calls the police because cameramen are following him in his station wagon while he cruises L.A. with his beard? And the other one who says Prayers for Bobby is so close to his heart yet he beards and lies to the public by pretending to be straight and dating his "gf" for 5 1/2 years, (which will probably grow to 7 years in another couple of months) ?

And meanwhile, where in the hell is BT.

I don't know these 2. I'm with 20:39 and saying I'm totally disgusted, although mine covers 2, not 1.

And I'll calm down about it in a few days.

But right now, after a day like today where a 40 year old young man who hauls 70 lb. packages in 100 degree heat and 0 degree cold, earning a living for his family, and he loses a member of that family in the snap of a finger, and I see Jake taunt life in the face with a self-important, pompous act like asking for police assistance while bearding, tonight I'm not calm about it at all.


But now I've said my piece and I'm off to bed.

Ted said...

Dear Ted:
You mentioned that Toothy's sexual preference is very well-known in the business and that he is also very well-known for having famous beards. If the mags and gossip columns (including yours) know these facts, why do they continue to print stories about his current and/or past romances knowing that they are totally fake? Do you and others get paid to publish these or is it a way of keeping his legal team off your back while you continue to out him albeit through his B.V.?
—Totally in to TT, Gay or Straight

Dear Too Technical:
Because, speaking for Team Truth, we love T2 so much we're willing to throw him a bone or two when it comes to whichever gal is by his side that week. It's goss, after all, and that's what the Awful Truth is. We've got no plans to out the dude. That's his own biz.


Bitch Back

OwlGirl said...

Maybe Lainey hasn't gotten her check from Jake's PR yet this week.

"I like how gossip plans take time to fully reveal themselves. Or are revealed too early and almost bungled and have to be saved. Back in early October, Blake Lively and Ryan Gosling were sneaking around an ice cream shoppe at Disneyland together and got caught by some fans who posted their pictures. We all speculated that it was the beginning of their lovemaking which concerned teeny fans of Gossip Girl because she hadn’t officially/publicly ended it with Penn Badgley. So her rep had to lie to Gossip Cop that Blake and Ryan were just friends and that Blake and Penn were still together.

That lasted about 2 weeks. At which point a split confirmation was released, freeing up Blake for the requisite and respectable six weeks between hook-ups. Which is where we are now. Gossip strategies unfold gradually. Although the business plan behind Jake Gyllenhaal’s paparazzi freak out yesterday – click here if you missed it - has yet to reveal itself."

the real m said...

Thanks Ted, for the explanation. I was beginning to wonder if you were getting paid off. Still, I don't think he should condone what is happening. It does not do Jake any good. Many of the comments being made around the web are similar to PGs. That is they are now embarrassed to be a fan of Jake's. He is only steps away from Mel Gibsonland.

blake:23, ryan, 30 said...

Gosling is bearding with Blake.

Special K said...

Wait wait.

I don't think Jake is steps way from Gibson who said anti-Semetic comments, been arrested for drunk driving and been splashed over the media as an abuser.

IMO That is jumping to an extreme.

Right now the majority of the response to Jake and another fauxmance is not positive and is not doing him any good but I don't think he should be compared to Gibson. These are two completely different things.

driving miss swifty said...

TMZ
Just Jared

Methodical Muser said...

Well, we now know that Jake didn’t want to get caught because look how his PR whitewash machine is kicking into overdrive to make it seem as if the "loving couple" were just enjoying a leisurely drive around town. Now we know why movie tickets cost so much these days. It's not the salaries. It's not the production or marketing costs. It's the added expenses of bearding contracts, planted stories, blog trolls and fiction writers, staged paparazzi events, manufactured stories, clean-up detail....

Just Jared: Spin, Cycle Rinse #1

Pop Sugar: Spin, Cycle Rinse #2

US Weekly: Spin Cycle Rinse #3

Repost from WFT2 said...

....Jake and his team of bottom feeders that will do anything to continue to promote their bucketful of lies. I was thinking yesterday, how far Jake has fallen. December 9, 2005 was the limited release opening of Brokeback Mountain. Five years later, to the day, we have Jake acting the fool, distorted face, hand gestures and another blond, blue-eyed fake girlfriend by his side. Maybe he should watch Brokeback Mountain again and understand the consequences of a life lived in the closet. He may be with his longtime boyfriend. He may be a father. Maybe that's how he rationalizes what he does. You know, "But, I'm not like Jack Twist. I am living a real life." The only problem is, Jake may be living a closeted gay life that's true to himself, but the aggressive image he presents to the world is a lie. Doing one thing with integrity, but everything else you associate yourself with is unscrupulous and dishonest does not make you an honorable man, Jake. Just a pathetic one with an incredible ability to fool yourself.

X17 lies said...

Do you know the most interesting part of the x17 story? The lack of photographic proof that the cops were called or a helicopter dispatched to protect them. No pics? Didn't happen.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Why no immediate retraction said...

No pics? Didn't happen.

Then why is Jake's face all contorted and he's obviously furious. Furious about what? A friggin' pap photo? And, Squint-face has her cell phone out too. If the 911 call didn't happen then why doesn't Jake's people demand a retraction? Probably because it did happen and they know there's a record of the call.

Look, Jake's people would have been all over that immediately, if they thought the 911 call was fabricated. It makes their fair-haired boy look pretty bad, otherwise. More than likely Jake's team are too busy covering up the paper trail today, just like they did for Toothy back in 2006 when he was busted for public lewdness. We didn't see the police blotter on that one either. But, we're all pretty sure it happened.

covering for 1:22 said...

Anonymous said...

Of course it didn't happen,or else there would be pics, TMZ must have called BH cops and found out it was BS.

LOL, remember they had "pics" of Jake and Reese going to church on Easter, but the pics never showed up!

December 10, 2010 1:22 PM

LOL!! said...

Jake has the same dumb look on his face when the paps where in his face at that Jenny Lewis concert with a drunk Reese in the car, he didn't call the cops then either.

Jake's shitty PR only issues statements when ut suits them. Again where are the pics of the cops and the helicopter? I'm sure TMZ would have been all over this.

I thought The reason why there is no "police record" of that incident in 2005 was because he wsn't actually arrested but issued a warning, therefore there would be no record to erase.

I'f im mistaken then please correct.

It makes it easy for Ted to not leave a paper trail incase anyone actually called around the L.A. area looking for the cops that arrested him, too easy.

joker said...

Regarding making calls without headset in the car: you sure haven't seen a luxury car like EVER, have you Special K? Otherwise you'd sure know you only need to push a button and just talk no need for hideous ear pieces.

cover up said...

Ted indicates that T2 and boyfriend were caught in the act (public indecency, I presume) but that the whole thing was covered up. Anyone else would have been arrested and hauled down to the station, but Jake's people intervened. Another reason, the arogant sh*t thinks he can get away with anything. One day, though...you just never know when someone might not be so willing to be intimidated or paid off.

Just like he did last weekend. Parking lot right off the Strip. T.T. and his b-f (for whom, I'm told, Toothy has considered very heavily coming out of the proverbial media closet) were "hard-core" doing the diddly, say their concerned amigos.

Only problem was, a security cop called the real coppers, who hand-slapped T.T. something good. Alas, somebody's somebody called the head somebody at the police station, and the whole thing got covered up--just like most of the fun stuff does in this ass-greasing enclave.

Jake's behavior gave him away said...

Oh, I have no doubt that Jake was busted in the summer of 2005 for indecent exposure. That's when he suddenly started appearing with old, reliable KiKi everywhere and stories began to be planted again about what a great sex life they had, even though they supposedly had broken up in July 2004 and were only an on/off again couple. Like this classic from the past:

A source close to Kirsten Dunst, 23 and Jake Gyllenhaal, 24 tells Star Magazine, that the couple have great sex. "They spent the entire Fourth of July weekend making passionate love. Kirsten said she was totally exhausted, but that she enjoyed every minute of it!"
"Kirsten says she's never felt the kind of sexual chemistry she has with Jake," says the source. "In her eyes, he's the only man who knows how to satisfy her. Both Kirsten and Jake played the field a bit while they were broken up," but now they're stronger than ever.

"Their next step is going to be a more permanent commitment, since they clearly have the sex thing figured out!"

PR spin said...

Some more clean up detail by Jake's people. Apparently, Jake was just trying to "protect" Swifty and the families on the street. Oh, brother!

Gossip Cop Confirmation

Working theories... said...

While some people find it despicable that Jake/ Taylor called 9-1-1 for this, probably most of America would empathize with them. It may have been part of some business plan, as Lainey suggests. We just don't know what crazy plan yet!

I have two conflicting theories here.

One, they called the cops, knowing it was going too far, but PR thought it was a good idea because it would illicit sympathy for their plight as privacy-seeking lovebirds.

Or two, Jake jumped the gun because x17 was about to interfere with their pre-arranged date with another pap agency exclusive, and because his name carries big weight in T-town and because he's unfortunately quite arrogant at times, it didn't occur to him how very inappropriate a use of the emergency line that was.

My oodles of love for Jakey G have turned into oodles of smelly dog poop. Over him.

Still love Austin, though.

Oh, and Taylor looks calm throughout the whole thing (She always strikes me as someone on valium, actually. Calm and collected for such a young girl). Does Jake have anger management issues?

Maybe that's why Jake is constantly photographed at the doctor's office - maybe he's in therapy.

Whatevs... said...

“There were people on the sidewalk, families”

“It was really dangerous,”


Well then maybe you should tell your PR not to tip off every pap agency in town that you're on an afternoon drive with your "girlfriend."

curious said...

How does that work? Does his PR call up the agency and tell them they'll be at the corner of Wilshire and Bedford at such and such time?